joke of da day
Recent Medical Research Results have suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100 % of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.

rant of da day
why does a simple movie like harry potter, based on a book that is barely an inch thick, last for 3 hours?

everything is repeated 2 times (or more), in case, you (12 yrs old and below: short attention span) forgot the movie had mentioned it before.... everything needs to be spelled out in full. take for example, [miracle ending] phoenix drips its tears into harry's wound. harry has to proclaim "But of course! phoenix tears is able to cure poison"

they need to add enuff "additional" distractions, so that george lucas can't sue them for copying star wars.

quote of da day
"En su vida, un hombre puede cambiar de mujer, sus opiniones politicas o su religion pero no su equipo de futbol."
(In his life, a man can change wife, his political opinions or his religion but not his football team.)

<#@$#@& of da day>
surprise, surprise. "there are no plans to scrape the EC scheme in singapore"
obviously....we are all trembling in anticipation to queue up for our "choiceHomes".... just imagine the amount of "link-points" you can receive from a single purchase.. *bling*$*bling*$*bling*

url of da day
there's art, and there's boobies art *nudity warning*....

baseless TIPs of da day
@ hdb flats.... RENT, don't buy.
@ who would buy a resale flat when they can just join the "queue" and get one within weeks, if not months. (with exception to the 3 golden rules of real estate: location, location, location)
@ gone are the days of "a mini windfall each time you apply for a new flat".
@ if the govt is bailing out of the business, how good can it get?
@ step aside PCK, the biggest, baddest contractor in singapore has a big spanking HQ in toa payoh (once they stop building flats, what else can they do?)

Homeproud?
how homeproud can you be? watch out home appliances sellers, they are cheap, cheaper and cheapest....and comes with linkpoints.
Note to all parents: please add home-applicance-seller to the list of "careers-you-should-discourage-your-kids-to-have"

tommy cooper(s) of the day
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.


*drumroll*...


Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."


*drumroll*...


A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."


*drumroll*...


A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"


*drumroll*...


"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"


*drumroll*...


What's brown and sounds like a bell?


*drumroll*...


What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.


*drumroll*...


"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said 'You are.'"


*drumroll*...


So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up,And he said 'You've been promoted.'
And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'
And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.


*drumroll*...


So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
"Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'


*drumroll*...


Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."
The other one says "so are you, you fat bast**d!"


*drumroll*...


Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny
to you?"


*drumroll*...


Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.


*drumroll*...


A man walked into the doctors, The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time" The man replied "I know I've been ill"


*drumroll*...


A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places"
The doctor said "well don't go there any more"


*drumroll*...


My dog was barking at everyone the other day.
Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.


*drumroll*...


I was driving down the motorway with my bird the other day when we both got a bit frisky and decided to do something about it So we decided we'd take the next exit, but it was a turn-off.


*drumroll*...


I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.


*drumroll*...


I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p month for the next 2 years.

joke of the day
The Iraqi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands and as they walk the Iraqi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America." President Bush says "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do." The Iraqi whispers "My son watches this show "Star Trek" and in it there are Russians, and Africans, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."
President Bush laughs and leans toward the Iraqi, and whispers back, "It's because it takes place in the future...."
just doing my part for world peace....cheers!

riddle of the day
Q: why are brazilians the best lovers in the world?
A: becoz they can lob "seaman" from 40 yards.

pic of the day
[+]
barthez doing his 2-hands-up flop-dancing, improving on the one-hand-up version he showed against west ham last season.

1-ZERO
satisifying 1-0 win over mansexual...
well done! for once, ian harte justified him being on the pitch... crossed the ball with his right foot & clearing the ball off the line...
phil neville + luke chadwick will definitely affect jersey sales.... put them through operations! quick!

health bomb
another price hike. the "good news"?
Mr Lim assured Class-C patients that they can use Medisave to pay for almost the entire fee increase, while B2 patients may have to fork out just $20 more in cash.

of cos, just in case everyone forgets, my MEDISAVE is MY monies too...

KK Women's and Children's Hospital, for example, lost $10 million last year and expects $7 million loss even with this fee increase.

so why did they move into a spanking new building a few years ago? so we can pay more? the system is screwed, change the system, public health care is for our benefit, not an extra burden to us. if you can't survive, change. that's what the private sector is doing anyway.
[+]
this "slight increase, so that we don't need to increase more later" story is growing old and tired.

reformasi friday!
interesting suggestions from erc; personally, i'm still waiting for them to free up MY monies.
in summary:
1) let the rich-enuff dudes, do the entrepreneurship thingy. since most entrepreneurs fail anyway.

2) govt is not doing another su-zhou. all the other 1,348 cities waiting the next great singapore payout can scrap their plans now.
The panel also reiterated the government's stance on encouraging state-linked companies to expand overseas in their core businesses, but it also said the government "no longer needs to take a hands-on approach by involving itself in business."

of course quote of the day
"Businessmen have expressed concern that over the years, the number of GLCs has grown to cover many industries, encroaching into private sector space," the report stated. "The government should be involved in business only where it achieves its strategic objectives. The recommendations endorsed an earlier proposal for Singapore to enact a competition law that prohibits cartel activities and abuse of dominance by significant market players, which would help ensure that GLCs compete on a level playing field with private enterprises."

sad to say, no mention of my "fav", somehow... it just manages to fly under the radar.... "if it's cheap, it must be good" barf! maybe it doesn't fall into GLC category, since most of the GLCs do operate under minor competitive conditions...

for those of u interested in actual news...than my views....
[+] [++]
but what are u doing here anyway?

we are still surrounded by frickking idiots!
put the greatest brains of the nation together.... and we get the coffeeshop toilet star ratings!!!
son: "mummy! i need to go to the toilet!!"
mother: "wait, son. this toilet is only a 3-star, the next coffeeshop is a 5-star toilet. we are almost there....."

complaint of the week as inspired by letters in s.t.r.e.a.t.s
the merlion is setting a bad example for our younger generation. the constant, endless spitting of water, i've seen kids pretending to be merlion on the streets, spitting out our good, safe and tasty newater. i hereby propose, we make a slight modification to our national symbol: make the big white beast, hold a bottle of newater and give a big "thumbs-up"...... just add 2 hands.

cheers!

2 wins followed by 2 losses
i'm gonna stop watching leeds games at home... it's a bloody curse!
die ian harte die...

final count: 23%
lower payout = higher rebates, quick, quick, you still can sign up!

3% more opted out. that's 270,000 amongst us. good for you!

L.E.E.D.S
another game, another 3 goals, another victory!

observations of the day
our speak mandarin campaign is a smashing success! every time a hokkien word is spoken, the crowd goes wild! just check out pm goh's national day rally, the laughter comes on, perfectly on cue, everytime he uses an hokkien term.

success or failure? perfect irony?


just in case, anyone made a mistake of
1) opening the eldershield envelope (not throw it away like all junk mails)
2) read thru the 2 page letter and pamphlet (and discover that you have been "opt-in" by default)
3) fill in the opt-out form
4) send the form back
you still can sign-up in the next two to three months.[+]

incidently, the opt-out figure has increased from 15% to 20%, since last reported.

3-0. top-of-table. e'nuff said

deja vu
today's stonz-world is brought to you by

NTUC - the largest private bus company in singapore; soon to be the next public bus company

this is one bus that i could see it coming, a mile away... (pun fully intended)

countdown: 2 days!
2 days more to the start of EPL.
here's something hoot about for L.E.E.D.S

"Rio Girl" - One day she tells you she's leaving you because she's met a guy who's much richer than you and drives a Ferrari. You resent her and her new beau for evermore, and would never have her back because you'd know that she'd be just 'slumming it' with you until she found a new sugar-daddy to feed off. Money grabbing bitch!

"Ollie Girl" - An everyday relationship. Things go well for a while. You think you're in love - you probably are. But things change. You're young and there's lots of other girls out there. Maybe you'd like one of them better? You look back on the relationship fondly, but remember the lessons learned.

"Alfie Girl" - She's alright. Nice enough, if nothing special to look at. You have a good time together, but there's never really that special 'spark'. Eventually you realise that there's better options around for you, and you call it a day. You stay friends though, and it's probable that you'd get together for a quick one 'for old times sake' if you both found yourselves without partners at some time in the future.

"Strachan Girl" - Like Alfie Girl, except you really connected with her, and it was only circumstances that forced you apart. You'll stay good friends for ever, but there'll never be any more of that hanky-panky stuff - your relationship is on a much higher plane than that these days.

"Keane Girl" - Though she's a nice lass, frankly your fed up with her, and you've got plenty of other irons in the fire that you'd rather spend time on. But she still loves you and no matter how many hints you drop she won't bugger off. Eventually, you'll have to tell her to piss off. Everyone'll be upset and she'll never speak to you again, you unfeeling bastard! Shame, 'cos if you'd managed to get her to leave amicably, there'd always have been the chance of having her back if things slowed down in the future...

"Bowyer Girl" - A tempestuous relationship - you've had your ups and downs, but have always stuck by each other. Then for some reason a coolness comes between you and you both know that eventually, it's just going to peter out. Some days things go well and you start to hope that you'll rekindle the flame, but on other days you find yourself looking for reasons to start arguments in the hope that you can end it all right now.

"MacAllister Girl" - You had a great time together, but then something went wrong. She seemed to be turning into a Rio Girl, and left you for a guy who you heard had better prospects. You hated her with a vengence. Then it turns out that she didn't leave you for material purposes at all (in fact, her new guy lives in a council flat), but for some other reason. You assume she didn't love you anymore, but a friend tells you that isn't so. Why did she go? God, you're confused...

"Barmby Girl" - The girl who used to go out with that annoying twat who drives the GLX version of your car. You never really fancied her much, but just at the moment you're without a girl and she's fed up with Mr GLX. Worth a go, but unlikely to lead to much, though you never know (see Strachan Girl).

"Okon Girl" - You've put on a bit of weight, and things have got a bit tight money-wise, so you can't really show a girl a good time any more. Still, you can always attract that dull lass who's been around for ever, but you only just noticed now you're not flirting with the models anymore. She'll be good for you, but once you're back on your feet and have been down to the gym it'll be party time again, and you'll dump her like a sack of coal. She'll probably hold a grudge, but you'll look back on her with fondness 'cos she helped you through those hard times. Because she's a bit of a tug, she'll swallow her pride and come running back to you should your bad times return.

"Dyer Girl" - The sexy-looking thing you've been eyeing across the pub for the past couple of months. You keep flirting with her, and your friends tell you she says she quite fancies you. Then when you're about to make your move you hear her telling someone she thinks you're a c*nt. Still, she is sexy...

with compliments of www.leeds-list.com

sightings
just noticed something new at amazon.com

XX Xxx, make $358.09
Sell your past purchases at Amazon.com today!

wow.... ultimate in CRM....amazon.com style
they actually calculate how much u can sell, items u previously bought from amazon, at "used" items price. and yes! i'm a satisfied amazonian. (or should that be amazon.commie)

Results of "SPAM our local ISP today!"
all good things must come to an end; with both my singnet email accounts terminated.
after forwarding about 50+ emails to the abuse@xxx of our local ISPs, i've received 2 responses. that's a whopping 4% response rate! boys and girls, how's that for "strict" anti-spamming controls?

final score:
singnet 1 - starhub 1 - the rest 0
special mention: **bonus points awarded to pacnet, it took them less than a day to push the blame onto singnet.

once again....the list to spam
abuse@scvmaxonline.com.sg
abuse@pacific.net.sg
abuse@singnet.com.sg
abuse@starhub.net.sg
abuse@zapsurf.com.sg

YUM-SENG!
The tiny island state of four million people, haggling for better prices from Malaysia, has launched an aggressive campaign to convince people that the water which once gurgled down drains and swirled in toilets is better than what they are drinking now. [+]
60,000 people can't be wrong?....or can they? try beat us world! we drink sewage water! take that!
does it taste good? we shall see.....let's see how many people queue up for national day tickets next year....

Serial Experiment #3: Finally somebody else scores!
Dear Sir
Thank you for reporting such abuse cases to us. We have taken the
recommended action against the abuser.
With Regards
StarHub Internet Abuse Investigation Team
Email : abuse@starhub.net.sg

updated score :
singnet 1 - starhub 1 - the rest 0

home
back from a short redang trip. darker and not much leaner. photos are avail at the usual place.
can't say that i missed s'pore during my absence, but it was nice break for some well-deserved R&R.

show's over
boys and girls, show's over. no need to get all excited. shoo-shoo....go away...

Many residents had also expected a U-turn in the Public Transport Council's decision following the fare hike debate in Parliament.
But Mr Goh said that would not be right.
He explained the PTC's decision was a carefully considered one and the Government is satisfied the PTC had balanced both the interests of commuters and transport operators.
Mr Goh said, "From now on, move on. There's no point harping on an issue now over, there're bigger challenges and the economy's recovering. That's good news but the worry is the American economy may still go wrong because Dow Jones has collapse.....[+]

in a totally "unrelated" incident.
In an unexpected turn of events, Mr Tan Soo Khoon today apologised to Parliament and Deputy Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong.
His apology was for misleading remarks he passed during the debate on bus and train fare hikes at the last Parliament sitting.[+]

i would like to thank all members of the public for their kind participation in this wonderful show, getting all excited ......
please return to your usual lifes of increased fares and higher priced water and TLC of ntuc.

Serial Experiment #2: SPAM your ISP today!
finally, i got a response from all those forwarded emails....

Dear Sir/madam,
Thank you for notifying SingNet of an Internet-abuse (spamming)
incident.
We had managed to trace the spammer and action in accordance with the
SingNet AUP has been taken.
Regards,
Phay S N
Network Security Team (NST)

thus the score now is:
singnet 1 - the rest 0

now reading:
barbarians at the gate#bryan burrough & john helyar [+]
rabbit omnibus#john updike [+]
silicon boys (and their valley of dreams), the#david a.kaplan [+]

sneakemail.com
a followup on the previous post, anyone who wants a spam-free inbox should really look into this sneakemail thingy.

how does it work? [+]
effectively it allows u to create an unique email address (on-the-fly) that can be used for signing up for freebies, we all are suckers for "free! registration now!" stuff.

e.g.
i need an email to sign up with XXX site. qwerty@sneakemail.com is created with [XXX] as the label. any emails that comes from XXX site, will be sent to qwerty@sneakemail.com and in-turn forwarded to your personal email address. however, sneakemail will append the label [XXX] to the incoming address. that way, u know exactly who has "sold" your email address when u receive your 541st "be the bigger man in 6 days!" SPAM. and when reply to the email, sneakemail will remove the label and send your reply with qwerty@sneakemail.com.
you can then choose to stop all emails to qwerty@sneakemail.com or allow only emails from a certain domain....etc


pretty cool stuff, takes a tad of extra effort to create an additional email for each sign-up, but it's well worth it.....
and did i mention it's FREE!?! (donation-based service)

Serial Experiment #1
been doing a little experiment on the local ISPs, spamming policies.
past 1 month, i've been forwarding those made-in-singapore spams back to the originator-ISPs
so far....have forwarded about 20 emails to them.
and have gotten ZERO replies. (auto-reply don't apply)

the only email response i got, was from the Pacific net's
in summary, the email goes "Hi, after our investigation: SINGNET subscriber!"
how's that for abuse response!!!

so join me in this exciting activity......SPAM our local ISPs today!
abuse@singnet.com.sg
abuse@pacific.net.sg
abuse@zapsurf.com.sg
abuse@starhub.net.sg

any spam that i receive, i'm pretty sure, they deserve a copy......

WTF! of the day:
This week, our people have taken a giant stride in the evolution of collective-stupidity.
!!! RANDOM QUEUES !!!
A resounding success for our on-going courtesy campaign! People have taken to queuing up at random spots around the island.
"Hey! White tents! Let's just queue up."
"People are queuing up, i wonder why. nevermind, i'll join the queue."
Special mention to those who turned up at "possible" NDP-tickets allocation centers.....and managed to queue up at the wrong places, ending up with....absolutely nothing.
"You....spice up my life!" collective-stupidity never fails to entertain me.
cheers!

whine of the day:
don't you just hate it when they do something in the name of "seeking the public view", where was the attempt to get the public view for the upcoming transportation price hike? or the utilities hike? things they don't dare to implement, they "seek public view". months have passed.....the so called CPF changes have not even reared it's ugly head...

Stolen post of the day:
I do many things, but none particularly well. It is the art of not applying yourself, the only craft I have studied my entire life. Like so many others of my generation, I cherish the delusion that I have superpowers buried deep inside me. They're awaiting the perfect trigger - radiation, a child in danger - and in that defining moment I will finally know my birthright.

quote of the day:
... as Ho Ching, as executive director of Temasek, is also deputy chairwoman of Singapore Technologies, which has a stake in mobile operator StarHub. StarHub's rival, SingTel, has Temasek as its major shareholder. In turn, the Deputy Prime Minister's younger brother, Lee Hsien Yang, runs SingTel.
It's a merry-go-round of connections but the Lee family rejects any accusations of nepotism.
``We are such a small society if you want everybody to be disconnected from everybody else, we just don't have the bodies,'' Deputy Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong told the AFR. [link]

"Through the force, things you will see. Other places. The future..."**
andrea de cruz has liberated the "organ for $" market in singapore.
now what's gonna stop people from collecting the money in exchange for liver donations?
think about it. how do you inform the family that their donor is suspected of accepting money and will be refused from donating?
"why not andrea? because she's a celebrity?"

Predicting the future seems to the "in" thing to do for last week.
here's section i call
"Through the force, things you will see. Other places. The future..."**
1) private bus insurance increases 6 folds.
2) people are unhappy, especially parents who depend on these buses to send their kids to school.
3) our nation's favourite, people choice, knight in shinning armour, supermarket-cab-insurance-carrental-healthcare-dentalcare-foodcourt-holidayclub-media-homes-thrift labour union steps in as "deeply committed to keeping prices down on essential products and services".
4) tada. add bus-operator to the list.

**Disclaimer: Some of the information presented in the pages of this presentation constitutes forward-looking comments within the meaning of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. Although Albemarle Corporation believes its expections are based on reasonable assumptions within the bounds of its knowledge of its business and operations, there can be no assurance that actual results will not differ materially from its expectations. Factors which could cause actual results to differ from expectations include, without limitation, the timing of orders received from customers, the gain or loss of significant customers, competition from other manufacturers, changes in demand for the Company's products, increases in the cost of the product, changes in the market in general, fluctuations in foreign currencies and significant changes in new product introduction resulting in an increase in capital project requests and approvals leading to capital spending.

WTF! of the day:
only-in-singpore-specials
1) "to be fair"---one has to return money for another's screwup.
2) Supermarkets can nominate MPs.
3) more cases of police shooting at themselves than at criminals. yes! we are THAT safe.

Stolen post of the day:
Choose Life. Choose a Master. Choose a Lightsaber. Choose a Clone Army. Choose a fucking big holo-projector, choose sonic showers, land-speeders, and electrical R2-D2 openers. Choose good health, low midichlorians, and blaster insurance. Choose fixed interest moisture farm repayments. Choose a starter smuggling ship. Choose your Jedi. Choose robes and matching sandals. Choose a three-piece body armor on hire purchase in a range of fucking alloys. Choose sitting on that Bantha-hide chair and watching mind-numbing, chain choaking slave girls, stuffing fucking slimy worms into your mouth. Choose rotting away in the belly of the Sarlack, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an mbarrassment to the selfish, fucked up aprentices you spawned to kill all your breathren and take over the galaxy.

WTF! of the day:
things i do not want to see in episode 3......
1) another gladiator/ race scene
2) more "parallel-ism" between anakin's and luke's life. we can always blame "me-so-whinny" on heredity.
3) villians that last about 5 minutes in battle.
4) jedi masters that get chopped up or captured easily.
5) further "improvement" in anakin's ability to impress the chicks. from "...are you an angel?" to "...you are soft and smooth..." *groan*

just gimme jabba! and one big epic space battle. something worthy of Hoth, Death-Star 2....even Death Star....

WTF! of the day:
episode 2...yoda. WTF was george lucas trying to do?

WTF! of the day:
2 words: backseat seatbelts!

countdown of the day:
2 hours 10 minutes

WTF! of the day:
people are still queuing up for their entitlement to *reduced* deposit ez-link cards. no wonder productivity of this country is going down.

countdown of the day:
7 more days to Episode 2: ATOC

now reading:
liar's poker#michael lewis
dead famous#ben elton
the intelligent investor#benjamin graham

now hoping:
CSCO
PCLN (pls, pls, pls)
PEET
IBM